Christmas Controversies & Various Solutions

  CONTROVERSY:  Should the tree be real or fake?
       YUPPIE:  Live tree, planted after use
         MALE:  Fake tree, discarded after use
       FEMALE:  Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
      REALITY:  Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs

  CONTROVERSY:  Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
       YUPPIE:  Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
         MALE:  Bulbs flash logo of football team
       FEMALE:  Elegant flickering candles
      REALITY:  Tree bursts into flames, burns house down

  CONTROVERSY:  Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
       YUPPIE:  Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
         MALE:  Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
       FEMALE:  Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
      REALITY:  Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts

  CONTROVERSY:  Do ya fling or hang tinsel?
       YUPPIE:  Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
         MALE:  Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree
       FEMALE:  Each icicle hangs like strand of spaghetti
      REALITY:  More icicles on floor than on tree

  CONTROVERSY:  Do ya open gifts on Christmas Eve or Morning
       YUPPIE:  Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules
         MALE:  Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with football
       FEMALE:  Anytime the entire family is present
      REALITY:  Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway